To Be a Woman

I embrace my identity as a woman which includes the uphill struggles I often have to face to make a fair footing in this world! These struggles make me who I am. In Rumi's words I am 'the universe in ecstatic motion.'

For me the definition of being a woman changes at different points of my life and justly so as I experience life and evolve as a person. But the constant one is upholding equal rights for all identities, especially women and the ones facing more hurdles than others.

Growing up in a family with a mixture of both, conservative values and liberal views, I still had to work on breaking out of the conventional expectations . I feel as a kid I was less encouraged in activities like learning to roller skate or ride a bike just because it wasn't a role that fit my gender, whereas I was encouraged to pursue cultural activities like dancing and singing. Thankfully, by the time I was in my teens, things were less stereotypical, as I believe my parents had become more conscious of this fact. My mother had taken the lead in encouraging me and paving the way for me to learn whatever I wanted to. Driving was a skill deemed not necessary for a woman to learn when I was growing up in Bangladesh, it still isn't, however because I wanted to, my mom made sure it happened, against my dad's concern for my security. My dad was very protective of me. Fortunately, that had changed with my mom's help. By the time I was finishing university my dad understood my desires to do things on my own, he watched me successfully and happily take up family responsibilities which had the opposite gender’s tags attached to it and let his guard down about being over protective. I am pretty sure as I grew older, he saw his bohemian soul reflect in mine. He always wanted me to be independent, he wanted me to get the highest degrees, have a career, travel, but also worried about my safety in a world that did not treat women with enough respect.

My dad had four sisters. The lives of the women in our family have been profoundly influenced by them . They were all married off early during the 1930s, 40s and 50s. Their institutional education ranged from highschool to college, yet they were highly knowledgeable, extremely well read, and fluent in more than one language. You could talk to them about politics, religion or culture, regarding all, I must say each had their independent and strong views. The eldest, unfortunately I never met, as she passed away at a very early age. The next sister was an ardent reader, an epitome of sweetness and elegance. She is my inspiration in style and etiquette and my introducer to magazines like National Geographic and Reader’s Digest. The third sister, was well travelled, had deep interest and knowledge in and about her faith and made the best baked goodies and cuisines, to name a few attributes in defining her. My taste in food, especially of the western culture developed by being her sous chef as a teenager when she would come visit us. The youngest and the fiercest in nature was an all rounder. She smoothly and without any challenge fit into the role of the leading lady of our family in every sense. She was strong and proactive, caring and assertive, opinionated yes, but deservingly so. She ran her family and the whole clan with love, care and a strong fist. All these women stood the test of their time. They lived by their values and evolved as extraordinarily strong women.

I feel looking back, that they had to give up or compromise at a personal level, for the greater good of the family but they did not give in or break down. As I said, they evolved, facing trials and tribunals, coming out with their heads held high, stronger than before.

My aunts were extremely good at making a point when and where they needed to and I gladly see that skill embedded in us, the next generations of women in our family. We differed on our views in many cases but the question of disrespect never arose. We learnt from them the importance of being there for each other. It is the way that they led their lives that gave the women of my family, the generations who saw them, the strength, the drive, the passion to live, to follow our dreams, ready to take on challenges. My mother and my aunts have helped me carve my path to enjoy being a woman equal in every way to another human being. I, in turn, continue to do the same if not more for my daughter.

In a society that is still evolving in terms of women's role in it, I was of the generation with the mixed messages. We were raised to be educated and have a career simultaneously taking up all the gender specific roles of raising a family and running a household, culturally nurtured through generations. I personally struggled with such expectations as I strived to be my best in every role.

Today, the challenge is different, a woman in a presumably liberal world can reach for the sky, do things at her own pace, but sexism still makes it tough and unfair. Thankfully, I feel women, more so in the developed world, are not by default picking up their gender imposed roles, rather they are redefining their paths as it suits them best. The more they can do that, the more productive, content and successful we all will be in any role or as many roles we choose.

My wandering soul rejoices, seeing the waves of women full of energy all over the world who are bringing about changes everyday to balance the scale. I encourage them with the words of the amazing Maya Angelou,